hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
