her vagine was all disorganized.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
