My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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