I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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