You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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