If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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