Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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