3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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