So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
