Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Who died my cat blue again?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
