he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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