her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
