i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
