We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
