I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
