You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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