Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
