I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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