Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
