I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
