cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am spending my child support on dildos
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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