At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
