why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
