North Korea, Best Korea!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
