my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
