I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
