I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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