I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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