I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
