I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
