I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
