I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize