yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
