Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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