you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
