I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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