mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
