The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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