i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
