i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
