I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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