My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
