i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
