Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
