No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So apparently I’m into choking now
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