If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
