On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
