I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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