a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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