thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
