I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
