She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
