We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
