3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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