the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And then he peed in my hair
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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