we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
