i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
