I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
