the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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