Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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