you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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