shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
