A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
