Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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