Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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