I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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