plz talk dirty to me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Randomize