Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
