Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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