What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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