I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
